18122017 - A lovely week off from work.

I was off from work a week starting 3th December until 10^th. The day I arrived at my grandparent’s house was the last day of our local bookstore, Lejen Production Book, to have an open day; a celebration to let go most of its books in a very cheap price. They even made it so challenging and unique for us to put every book inside a tote bag for MYR50. It’s so much fun accelerating our minds to fit in lots of books inside a bag. I don’t even know much of the books that we had to choose, it wasn’t that popular or it was, a bloody hell long time ago. But I managed to get 15 books out of it; one book cause like MYR20 so jackpot. Then, I looked over at the shelves displaying the books that are really famous and new in store. I haven’t bought them yet so I really need one. It was 3 for MYR50. It was not quite expensive considering one book already reached MYR25 each. After added everything up, a fortune of luck falls upon me whereby I met the author of the first book I have read and fall in love with the entire production book; Nami Cobbler was there.

He was signing his autographs for his fans so I had to wait. I was so excited I asked the cashier like three times to confirm that was the author. The cashier was like nodding and laughing at my excitement three times, as I clearly remembered. Then it was my turn for him to sign the book I have bought and thanks to my blush-red-cheeks, there were a lot of his books I coincidentally bought. (PS: It was not an accident. He really is a great author I enjoyed reading his books.) Without knowing he was there all along! So I had to take a time off to chill myself, and took the ‘Natalia’ book written by him, and took a picture. He asked to take a picture with him. He asked me! 

 This author I’m talking about right here is one of the reasons I have purchased over MYR300 worth of books in this one local store. I spent my entire book voucher at this store. There were a lot promotions going on before I stopped buying books there and moved out to Kuantan, Pahang. I really felt like being in the movie ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ considering Hazel Lancaster really went to Amsterdam to meet her favourite author. He behaved like an ass to her and thank god mine didn’t!

I went upstairs after my purchased has settled and wanted to hangout for awhile and read some of the books I have bought. The stairs were decorated with quotes from the books I have read. It was beautiful. The doodle, the drawings and the inspiration for us adolescence to get in our world without any invasion from outsiders were the reasons I still kept coming here to the local store.

Once I was up there, there was this gorgeous young lady approached me and was talking to me about their merchandises. The jumper went really hit as it has more discounts than other merchandises. I was politely saying I am just going to hang out here whilst I’m making the decisions about it. She was pretty cool about it and went back sitting with her friends. I was sitting and marked my books with the date written and my signature of when I bought it.

After that all settled down, turns out there were some of the Nami Cobbler book I haven’t had his signature yet. After a few minutes of reading and chilling out, I went downstairs and was hoping to have his signature on the book I was holding. The fortune of luck hitting on me again when I saw him sitting on the bench outside the store, alone, and not wanting to waste anymore time of my mind baffling whether or not to have his signature,  I went straight right to him and ask his signature like a man.

Got his signature, I sat beside him. The author I respect and adore the most. Like, next to him. I felt like a cotton candy inside a mouth of a child who really appreciates my existence. We chat, talked about his books I loved the most and it was based on true story. He told me everything about it and showed me the picture of 2 adorable young gals inside the book he wrote for them. I’m not going to spoil anything here but just go and check his book out: “Awekku Chuck Taylor”. I burst out laughing when we talked about his book “Awekku Chuck Taylor: Kapsul Masa” and he told me little secrets about how he processed the book when he wrote about it. He even invites me for a drink. I was too overwhelmed by everything I politely reject it. Inserting laughing out loud here actually I was too ashamed. I was alone so, it is going to be awkward I am 100% sure. I have a way around people so, I know it will get awkward after 15 minutes.

After that I make my move and started to leave.

The next day I had rehearsal at my former study place, MSU Shah Alam. Lots of memories flashing back through my lens of life once I arrived there and without further negotiating about it, I went straight to the Performing Arts Theatre where my team and I held a bunch of events there. Memories after memories slashing my veins like the sword of samurai, the heart beats faster than usual whether  I have to meet my former friends I used to work with, or have a thing with; baffling with myself is not a healthy thing I tried to stop it but it’s impossible.

I arrived there, and was welcomed by the crews.

I was alone, turns out. A solo English emcee for the seminar was kind of okay, surprisingly. There were a lot of familiar faces and they were also surprised to see me as I did.

The friend of mine even cursed me on the phone asking why the hell I didn’t tell them I was coming. I was laughing and smiling sinfully because I knew I became the emcee like 2 months ago and suddenly just show up is kind of a bad thing to do. Inserting sinfully laughs here. After done with the rehearsal, I went back home and have a delightful sleep.

The event starts at 2pm but my heart won’t stop pounding since the moment I woke up. It’s the kind of feeling where you have butterflies in your stomach, you suddenly feel you are not good enough, you think of 450 eyes will be on you when there is a single mistake on the event itself, and I was really excited to meet Faiz Dickie at the same time. I even had my book written:

Faiz Dickie please signs here:

Moments passed, and I went it through like a real professional. I missed being a part of a group like this because I feel I matter. I feel people actually care about me and that is a beautiful thing to be a part of this. A part of their family I joined in 2 days before the actual day. It was remarkable. Not just that I got Faiz Dickie signature, I even got a photo with him. Oh dear that was my best memories so far. I didn’t imagine he was that top of the list though. Really make my day as I got the privilege to announce his name when he went up the stage. It was a day to remember. Plus, we managed to get free McDonald’s burger. Shout out to McDonald for giving sponsors of McChicken! I got like 4 that day. It was memorable.


                                     

After the seminar ends, I went home as fast as I could, took a bath, dress up beautifully, and my lovely boyfriend whom I haven’t met for more than a month after I moved out to Pahang. He waited 40 minutes for 2 hamburgers, and presents I got him! We went to KLCC for dinner. I ate Cabonara Spagetti and small Pizza Beef for us. He said he was too full after the 2^nd burger so he didn’t ate much. KLCC Food Court is not expensive as you can get at your normally take out at normal food store. Those two food costs me MYR20 only and I was too full to give a damn. It was too good, though. We bought King William Chocolate Banana drink at Boost, shout out to Nuzul Fatihah for introducing to me this remarkable drink. It was damn good. My man loves it as well.

Then, we went to Avenue K and have a stroll. It was lovely to watch the Christmas setup in Kuala Lumpur. We also wanted to go to Jln Doraisamy to get some hot mutton soup with bread but it was jam and too late for soup and bread. We had a lovely night.

On 9^th December, I went out again on a date with my lovely boyfriend. But, this time both of us took public transport and meet at the usual place, Midvalley. I once took the commuter from my grandparents’ house and it was nightmare. I waited for half an hour for the train, and it keeps delaying after 5 minutes it was supposed to be here. It was heavily raining. It was a mess. I got clever this time and pursue with my uncle’s planning on taking the lrt from glenmarie, stopped at Universiti station, took the bus en route directly to Midvalley. Once again, the jackpot hit on me as I just took half an hour, from Glenmarie to Midvalley, in just 30 minutes.

I WAITED THAT MUCH OF THE TIME FOR A BLOODY COMMUTER. GET A LIFE.

But, my boyfriend took the commuter because it is near to his house and it was directly took him off to Midvalley so I’M NOT COMPLAINING BUT, DO BETTER NEXT TIME I HATE YOU COMMUTER.

We watched Justice League and truthfully it was awesome. Wonder Woman is pretty as hot muffins out of the oven, and AquaMan is being a badass as usual. Flash has a really great sense of humour among all and SuperMan came back to life. I cannot wait for the next movie from them as they will be together with Guardians of the Galaxy. If that is not pure awesomeness, I don’t know what is!

That’s all from my trip at KL for a week.

Love yall readers!

X,

Dini Amr.

16112017

PREFACE

After centuries of procrastinating to update this blog of mine, has finally reached its end. The birds are chirping, the fog is slowly fading out, the sun slowly unleash its realness, and a soul. If were given a chance to choose between 20 million bucks or knowing my future, I'll pick the second one without a moment of hesitation. Or even doubtful feeling to not want to know.

Yesterday, I was agreeing to my dad about continuing my study in deg of event management; which surprisingly I was very talented in 'handling events'.

Yesterday, our neighbour, my brother's closest friend, whom I hate the shit out of his annoying for god sake 7 years old life, said my fried rice was the best fried rice he ever eaten.

Yesterday, all Anas wanted were to play his bike with his neighbour’s friends 'till the sun goes out.

Yesterday, Spot the Cat was lying on my mother's lap.

Yesterday, I was dancing my heart out in my own bedroom.

Yesterday, I was in my home.

Crying; Pleading; begging to the sky; with all the voices my little heart has,

"I don't want to move there, too."

I woke up today, on the couch, at my hometown in kuantan pahang, looking anxiously around the living room with our familiar stuff, with piles of plastic bags needed to clean up, needed to untie the knot and put in place;

I showed sober, but in my mind honestly all I was thinking,

Shit.

1. THE PHONE CALL

It all started with a phone call. Her cries and sobs were loud enough for me to understand the situation. The tense that is holding us up but we were too afraid to ask questions about it. Her voice in panicked actually weren’t loud enough, as always, but surely it makes both of us freaked out and ran upstairs immediately.

I couldn't catch my breath. I was holding my own breathe so that I can hear hers. She was wailing.

Now he must be somewhere at faraway state of the unknown; the news broke her heart into million pieces, tore her like a hot burning metal shoving down her throat. I could hear perfectly everything.

Her brother was already gone.

2. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING.

It was definitely hard for my mum to fit herself alone without her siblings in Puchong. All of them stayed in Pahang, of course. After the incident, everyone was praying every single day that my mum will return and stayed safely here, with them all around. Stayed at their late mother’s house was apparently the best idea they can came out with ‘because the house wasn’t actually built for the ghost to make more...ghost babies.

Guess god blessed each one soul who prayed,

Because we fckg did.

Eventually, it all happened quiet coincidentally at the same time. The owner of our rented house decided to increase the house rent from RM700 to RM1k. Bear with me, my mum quits her job. Shall I add that this house was used to be my home; with broken windows, useless grill to protect us, broken locks, the bushes behind of the house with god-knows what the hell lives in there, the rats which are dying to know what I cooked that day, a non-stop breeding mosquitoes,

And tough balls of owner to tell my mother via ‘WhatsApp’ that he’s about to increase the rent, as soon as possible.

Since my mum quit her job, we apparently ate everything I could find in the fridge. I wasn’t complaining. I was there with her during tough times, even tougher than this. I thought I was beginning to become a vegetarian because we haven’t eaten chicken for like 2 months. Anas weren’t complaining, too.

He was helping, in his own ways. Obviously, we didn’t have enough money to pay for Astro, and our wifi so everything was cut down to having movies from which I downloaded and transfer it to our tv, with us eating the fried rice, or mee goreng and kuey teow goreng, or Maggie I cooked for us all. Oh and, jemput bawang. It was my cat’s favourite meal.

We couldn’t even afford to buy his cats biscuits. He clearly understands that, though. Every morning, once I come downstairs to make breakfast, he will go upstairs, climb up the bed, and sleep on my mum’s lap. It wasn’t a fun thing, but it was definitely a routine worth repeating.

It was so much fun as we all got creative about what we wanted to eat the next day. I became more thoughtful about how people who have a little amount of money to survive each day. The thoughts makes me wanted to do house chores even more because I was so grateful to have a house. Lots of other people became homeless at this point of lives but Alhamdulillah we managed to get it through.

I could feel chills in my bone after the incident. It was like, everything was perfect.

The sun was about to set. I was home. My mom was home. We watched Coraline and Mulan for the 998^th times. Still doesn’t bore me, or her. Spot was lying down on the cement floor. The sun flashed through our front door, created a perfect shade for it to lie down. Anas was so happy he can ride his bike without the help of others. I was so happy that finally we get the chances to clean up our house and throw away unwanted stuff, or sell some of them. My mom was happy she could finally get her peace of mind.

It was too good to be true.

It was like an endless routine.

It can’t be.

Life can never satisfy looking at me grinning at the sun, or the countless stars.

I knew I have saw its coming. I should have known.

But, of course, I just ignored my illusions of having the future vision that this all will end.

Well, apparently,

I do have vision of the future. What scares me the most is, the more I’ll try to ignore it, the more it became the truth.

It was unbearable.

The torture of an asylum was the situation of my head.

X,

Dini Amr.